DEEP THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: If someone from Ziplock will contact literally anyone in the cereal business, that would be great.
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
Today, you may be more attracted to expensive things. Think about splurging a bit. Go ahead, fill the gas tank all the way up.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
To break monotonous routines, go to the local pub and try to decide who’s drunk and who’s just stupid.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
Today is a wonderful time for people born under the sign of Sagittarius to embrace their inner child. Take care not to let that little arsehole bite you.
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
You may get a chance to surprise people this week by deleting the whole text and replacing it with “OK”.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
You should try to be flexible and creative in order to complete tasks on time and boost your productivity. Remember, adulting is often soup and you too often are a fork.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
When the Devil whispers in your ear ”You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm”, tell the Devil “Well, at least, I didn’t lose my fiddle to a hillbilly from Georgia.”
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
Is it possible that UFOs are billionaires from other planets?
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
You will find a book this week titled “How To Solve 50% Of Life’s Problems.”
Buy 2.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
Those born under this sign often think God’s name is Andy because of the hymn: “Andy he walks with me … Andy he talks with me.”
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
You will leave a store without buying anything and say to yourself “Act natural, you’re innocent.”
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
The war on Christmas cannot stop until Christmas stops its illegal occupation of November.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
The creator of this horoscope is a Virgo and she often re-reads her work and says: “Quality content.”
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