Op-Ed: Two Cows

By Teliha Draheim

Special to Marinscope Community Newspapers

As a resident of Fairfax involved in the political scene, I have observed that individuals and members of organizations who do not live in Fairfax freely promote their opinions about our local politics. These voices do not represent the voices of people who live in our town, but instead, instill divisiveness within.

The divisiveness we feel is not drawn along party lines. The people of Fairfax are strong, independent advocates for democracy. The majority feel disillusioned by both major political parties and by the fact that votes of newly elected members of our Town Council, who were overwhelmingly elected last November by popular vote, are being sidelined by the personal ideologies of prior administrations.

I would like to offer the following tongue-in-cheek comparison of political platforms. A version of this story by an unknown author circulated in the 1990’s. I have added my own commentary and experience of Fairfax government. 

TWO COWS—A comparative analysis of Fairfax government 

Feudalism

You have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism 

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism

You have two cows. Your neighbors help you to take care of them, and you share all the milk.

Russian Communism

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

North Korean Communism

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Dictatorship

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy

You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Bureaucracy

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Libertarian: Anarcho-Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Fairfax Government

The local government passes an ordinance banning cow milk in Fairfax, permitting only the consumption of oat milk using recycled cups. The remaining two local cows are traded in for oat milk vouchers and donated to the homeless encampment in Peri Park on the condition that residents will leave and take the cows with them. The campers agree, pack up their belongings and walk westward down the section of Sir Francis Drake Boulevard in Fairfax, renamed the Miwok Trail.

https://www.marinij.com/2021/03/10/marin-county-and-san-anselmo-reject-sir-francis-drake-boulevard-name-change/ 

They walk with their cows to Nicasio and approach descendants of the Coast Miwok tribes, who recently purchased land on which their ancestors once lived freely.

Editorial: Coast Miwok land purchase creates opportunity for ‘balance’

They request asylum on the land in exchange for their cows. They do not want to take care of the cows, but would like some of the milk.

“Kicking the can (or the cows) down the road” does not solve the complex problems of governing or erase the failures of elected officials. In Fairfax, despite having the highest property tax rates in Marin County, the roads are officially ranked the worst in the county, piles of human vomit and excrement pollute a homeless encampment, and six story apartment buildings threaten our residential neighborhoods.

We can do better. Support the recall. https://www.recallfairfax.com 

Teliha Draheim is a long-time resident of Fairfax, California, known for her active involvement in local community affairs and her contributions as a writer. She has been vocal on various issues concerning the town’s development, housing policies, and governance, and the implications of state housing mandates on small towns like Fairfax. If you have an op-ed, please send it to Sherman R. Frederick at shermfrederick@gmail.com.