DEEP THOUGHTS: Gov. Gavin Newsom plans to cut the homeless in half by 2025. Wait, what?
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
This week be sure to give a loud YOU’RE WELCOME when anyone doesn’t say “thank you.”
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
Tell your neighbor that the difference between his opinion and a glass of wine is that you asked for a glass of wine.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
You should have learned this already, but the best way to parallel park in San Anselmo is … park in Corte Madera.
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
It’s still a good idea in 2021 to 1) Don’t watch the news and 2) Stay off the bathroom scale.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Everyone knows you don’t care about the Super Bowl when you ask who made the most baskets.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
Lent starts in a few days even during the pandemic. And, yes, you will be expected to give up even more.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
Foolishness is the sister of wisdom. Call your sister and let her know which one she is.
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
Where there is shouting there is no knowledge. So turn off the damn cable news channel.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
Canada invites you to come for the winter and stay because your car won’t start.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
Alexa is in the dining room. You are in the kitchen asking a tuna can to play Tom Petty.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
On HGTV people can flip a house in a month. You’ve been getting ready to vacuum the living room for a week.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
When you bend down to pick up a cookie, it does, indeed, count as a squat.
(You will have a year of good luck if you subscribe to this newspaper. See Page 3A for details.)