DEEP THOUGHTS: Spending eternal life with some Christian conservatives isn’t the selling point they think it is.
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
You will have an opportunity to channel your inner buddhist by approaching the hotdog stand at Costco in Novato and saying: “Make me one with everything.”
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
Note to Larkspur drivers: If an organist can remember every key, tab, button, drawknob, pedal, and toe stud, you too can use a turn signal lever.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
You check behind the shower curtains for murders. If you find one, what is the plan?
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
The grass may be greener in West Marin but it’s probably a septic issue.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
Those people who are sexually attracted to makers of puns, are correctly referred to as “punsexual.”
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
Your dog is so old, he tells the puppies that “In my day, we only had one toy … and it was a stick.”
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
One day your grandchildren, if you raise them right, will gather at the evening meal and say: “Alexa, say grace!”
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
You will remember many things from years ago, but forget why you came into the kitchen. Nothing wrong with it, Geminis, it’s just the way it is.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
You officially become an adult when 1) You gain 30 pounds overnight, 2) You put comfort before style, and 3) College kids look like 12-year-olds.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
This week you will have mixed drinks about feelings.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
At least once this week you will be reminded of the old adage: Never, ever, trust a fart.
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