DEEP THOUGHTS: Your place in a highway lane is not a birthright. Let people merge.
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
Five out of six Libras agree: Russian Roulette is completely safe.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
Justice is best served cold. It it were served warm it would be justwater.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
Monastery entrance exam: 1. Do you have any friar convictions? 2. Do you suffer from cloister-phobia? 3. Have you achoired any bad abbots?
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
Why do Marin roads look in worse condition than 2000 year old Roman roads?
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
If a bag is not resealable, then it contains one serving. Those are the rules for Best Guess Horoscope readers.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
If a man says you’re ugly, he’s being mean.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s jealous.
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
This week you will tackle a challenge with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Bat Man shirt.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
Your little toe is designed to locate furniture in low-light conditions.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
Teach a man to fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to garden, and the whole neighborhood gets a tomato.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you made a bad decision.