Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world. Correction: That’s a good wine, not a good man.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
Marin now offers mental health resources for those coming to grips with the fact that the L.A. Dodgers made it to the World Series.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
Black Friday is 31 days away. Be warned. Be afraid.
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
You will spend an inordinate amount of time wondering about the afterlife for homemade biscuits because, yes, there is life after the gravy.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Normal horoscopes will remind Aquarians “how wonderful it feels to receive an unexpected compliment.” Best Guess Horoscope keeps it real. Not gonna happen.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
Just because you live in San Rafael doesn’t mean you can’t be a nice person.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
For Halloween you will hand out candy without a mask because that seems to scare the hell out of your neighbors.
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
You can remember your childhood phone number, but you can’t remember that password you created yesterday.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
Can’t use TikTok, but can write in cursive. So, there’s that.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
Clocks moved forward last week by one hour. Should have jumped ahead to Nov. 4.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
You live in constant fear that Trump will deport your Latina mother-in-law who lives on Third Street in Novato. Blue House. She gets off at 6 p.m.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
If ignorance were bliss, you’d be a lot happier.