DEEP THOUGHTS: Even living in the Bay Area, you never dreamed you’d have to reassign the gender of a plastic potato.
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
Libras in Mill Valley are so high brow that when they listen to the William Tell Overture, they do NOT think of the Lone Ranger.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
It’s going to be one of those weeks: When you find it, you won’t need it. And when you need it, you won’t find it.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
Getting older is one body part after another saying: “Ha, ha, you think that’s bad? Watch this.”
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
Congratulations. You have finally learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone remains very doable for you.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
At some point this week you will wonder how people apply for a job at Hooters. And, no, they are not handed a bra and told to “fill this out.”
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
Cleaning the house with everyone home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
You: “I’ve started seeing someone.”
Therapist: “As in dating or in hallucinations?”
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
This week in Marin is Grey Haired Grumpy Old Man Week. You will receive special recognition.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
California English: “No, Yeah” = “Yes.” “Yeah, no” = “No.” “Yeah, no, for sure” = “Definitely.”
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
It’s tax season again when you learn that a fine is a tax for doing something wrong and a tax is a fine for doing something well.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
Your local nursery reminds you that you “can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.”
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
If you have a phobia of German sausage, you will fear the wurst.
(You will have a year of good luck if you subscribe to this newspaper. See Page 3A for details.)