Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
You are reading this newspaper, so it is established that you are already smarter than your next-door neighbor. Subscribe and you will rule the block.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
You will be tempted to ask your kid’s school teacher if showing them how to mix killer cocktails counts as chemistry homework. Unless you enjoy talking to a social worker, don’t do it.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
Your healthy ambitions are growing even healthier. But this is candy corn season, so good luck with that.
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
The moon is in a place that makes you feel a bit fragile this week. That’s your story and you’re sticking to it.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
If you have trouble with sugar levels, you should be concerned about safety. That great donut shop in San Rafael — you know the one — is back in business.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
As usual, don’t push yourself. Play it safe this week.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
After the presidential debate, you will find yourself fixated on the idea of how nice it would be if liars’ pants actually did catch fire.
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
You’re so busy starting new things this week, you may not have heard the good news: The Kardasians TV show is coming to an end.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
When adversity hits, remember you were forced to watch Lawrence Welk as a kid. You can make it through anything.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
Your fate this week should be read like your family reads a fortune cookie: “Leave no stone unturned in your search for new sights and sounds … “
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
Take nothing for granted this week. The California Legislature remains in session.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
Important travel tip. If the Nov. 3 election is not a clear win for Joe Biden, avoid Portland in November.
Moon Alert — Feeling lucky, punk? Don’t get a flu shot.
Lucky Numbers — 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Good numbers. But don’t use them for your password.
Best Advice — If these are your password numbers (John Podesta, we’re talking to you) change them.