DEEP THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: If there is no self then whose arthritis is this?
Libra — Sept. 23 thru Oct. 22
Be thankful you have a dog and remember the less fortunate who have to pick up their own food from the floor.
Scorpio — Oct. 23 thru Nov. 21
Due to the sensitive nature in which the moon is aligning with Earth, we suggest you don’t visit your family if it will compromise your mental health.
Sagittarius — Nov. 22 thru Dec. 21
You don’t hold grudges. You just remember facts.
Capricorn — Dec. 22 thru Jan. 19
Be aware of your body and know that not every sensation is a sign of a terminal illness.
Aquarius — Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
Expect a cold winter. Squirrels will be collecting nuts early. Keep an eye on family members. You know which ones are in line to be collected by squirrels.
Pisces — Feb. 19 — March 20
Grandma wisdom: Condoms are $3.95 a packet. Diapers are $22 a pack. Do the math, kids.
Aries – May 21 thru April 19
When you Googled “symptoms” did it say complain about it incessantly, but never seek treatment? Get it checked out.
Taurus – April 20 thru May 20
This time of year, if someone comments on your weight, eat them.
Gemini — May 21 thru June 20
Call your dad NOW and ask him for the wifi password so he’ll have time to dig it up before Thanksgiving.
Cancer — June 21 thru July 22
Imagine how sexy you’d be if you ate right and took care of your body. You don’t have to do it, of course, but it’s nice to imagine.
Leo — July 23 thru Aug. 22
Remember when homo sapiens received their Netflix in the mail in red envelopes that you played in a sideways toaster, and you didn’t get another Netflix until you returned your first. In the mail.
Virgo — Aug. 23 thru Sept. 22
Working in the unemployment office must be tense … knowing that if you get fired today, you still have to come in tomorrow.
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